Getting Closer

What is it that I want now? ... I want to have fun.
A week ago ... all I wanted was to be alone.
A month ago ... all I wanted was to not be upset.


I have achieved all of these; with flying colors in fact ... but why am I still not happy? I'm happy to the point when I achieve something and then the happiness just fades ... and I end up even worse and more depressed than before, its as if the closer to the sun I get the more I drown. I don't get it.